Jumping back almost two years ago and we see the beginning of this blog. Throughout that time, I have grown and changed so much, to the point where even the posts from last year I cringe, thinking ‘who even was she?’, now asking myself if that was what I truly wanted, or if that was just what I was supposed to want. And truthfully, I don’t know the answer. One thing I do know, however is that that girl from 2017 is not the same one writing this right now. I don’t know when I lost her, but now I’ve found it.
My ‘About’ page used to say ‘searching for whatever ‘this’ may be’… I made it clear this blog had no direction, that it was merely a float in a swimming pool aimlessly moving with the wind, but now that float has moved from its comfort zone, into the ocean, following the currents, where it is supposed to be. I don’t want to write about health or beauty, or fuel conspiracy theories or even distract with short stories anymore. I can’t even say I fully enjoyed it back then either. I felt frustrated each time I found a new genre and didn’t enjoy it as much as the last. I read over past posts wondering why I published such awful content. I questioned how every other blog had their niche and yet mine was still lost.
Instead of writing for what I wanted, I got sucked into the complementing side of blogging; planning posts with the most viewed tags, buzzing at every notification on my phone, strategically timing each post to attract the most views, so much so that I lost the reason why I was doing it in the first place.
But that’s the past, and who cares about that?
Over the past few months, I’ve focused on my A Levels and with that have found that true passion. I’m utterly grateful for publishing such outright nonsense in the past and persuading myself that that was what I wanted, despite only half heartedly enjoying it. I’m now ready to move forward with my life, diverting from this muffled mess and going to where I want to be.
But where I want to be is not here. I want to be in the past. So yes, that’s what I can hand on heart say I want to write about. It may have been a slight anti climax for many, unlike the end of many major historical wars, Hiroshima and Nagasaki springs to mind, but to me, nothing is quite as interesting as a tank and warship duo.
So here’s to the future, as we ponder over the past, discovering more about topics we perhaps were never taught enough in school and fully appreciating this potentially shell-ridden journey.